“I am one.” “I am one!” I am one with the wind!” My heart shouted. Suddenly a hand on my elbow. 

“I have a gun,” he said in a low tone. “Keep walking.”

I was headed home from an after-school program and feeling so alive. It was 6:30 pm. November. I was 12. 

I was in a good, well lit, neighborhood near Central Park. 

I calculated: just one avenue to cross and three-fourths of a block and I’ll be at my building. In my head: A gun, a gun, a gun, okay keep walking. I can pull away at the right moment.

It didn’t work. We passed a doorman and I mouthed the word, “Help!” 

 “Have a good time kids,” was all he said.

I was shocked. That doorman saw me playing outside just the other day. Was he out of his mind? I was 12 and looked at it; the gunman looked about 17.

We crossed the street. The Central Park side of 5^th Ave. I told him how ugly I was, how my father was a cop, how my parents would come looking for me. It was clear he didn’t want money. I had just learned what rape was that year when my cousin and I had snuck away from a family gathering to read True Confessions magazines.

Sometimes even terrifying information comes at exactly the right time. I knew that if we walked into the park entrance I was done for. I had to find a way to talk him out of whatever he wanted.

It was kind of like being in a car wreck. Everything slows down but moves super-fast at the same time. I kept talking to him about how he could do better than me, that I had a friend who would really like him, that I had my period, that my parents would find me in a matter of minutes.

Steps away from the park entrance he inexplicably turned us around. We began walking back to the crosswalk near my building. It had begun to rain. He pushed me up against a car. Whoever invented dresses that zipped up the front unfortunately never thought of this situation. He began to feel around. I had long before left my body. I was totally in my head. How do I escape?

Then he kissed me on the lips, and I came back to myself and screamed. 

“I have a knife,” he said. 

And then I knew he had nothing, and I knew I would get away. I must have kept screaming because he zipped my dress up all the way to my throat and ran like crazy. Suddenly I noticed that I was still holding my schoolbooks in one hand.

Someone had been sitting in a car nearby the whole time. When he saw the guy run, he got out of his car and asked if he could help saying, “Get in.” 

ARE YOU CRAZY?!?, I thought and took off across the street almost getting hit by a bunch of cars. I got home and called my parents who were at their Tuesday night get-together with friends and said, “I really think you should come home.” Well, that sounded ridiculous until I said, “I wasn’t raped but…”

So, I was brave. I didn’t crumble. I got away by using my wits and finally my screaming voice. What if I had screamed at the beginning? I never thought about those “what ifs” until I started writing this. It doesn’t matter. I managed to escape.

The terror that continued within me was relentless for quite a long time. More powerful in some ways than the moments I spent trying to get away. I refused to go anywhere on my own for a year. Eventually, I found a different kind of bravery: Taking baby steps.

Each time I did something on my own was a test. Would I be safe in the world?

When people are afraid it really helps to look at actual facts. Not what we think could happen, but what did. Then slowly take one step at a time toward health. It also helps to talk. 

At the time though counseling was taboo and my parents, as well-educated and loving as they were, didn’t understand how counseling would help in this situation. No one talked about this kind of thing back then.

Most importantly, know you have inner strength. That even in the aftermath of the most traumatic experiences, you have the strength you don’t even know you have. 

Nature is our teacher. All we have to do to see how to proceed in life is watch what’s happening outside our windows.

Let’s send up new shoots. Get rid of the old dried up leaves and twigs. Open a fresh eye on the world. Let the still small voice that knows there is something emerging get a bit louder.

All of us feel a bit dug under sometimes. I know sometimes I feel like there is so much to do I don’t know where to start and so I feel inundated. That’s when I take a fresh look at what is happening in my life, what is happening around me, where I am putting my focus and what I want to do next and why I want to do it.

We are multifaceted beings, so underlying the tasks we are doing are the thoughts and feelings we have about those tasks.

• What do the tasks mean to us? 
• What importance do they hold in our lives? 
• What are the benefits or the drawbacks? 
• Are they essential or can they be removed from the list? 

Sometimes it is good to sort all that out.  Sometimes sorting it out isn’t necessary. That is for you to decide.

What does matter is taking a moment to breathe.

Take stock of all that is happening; what you are feeling emotionally and physically; what you are thinking… and see if there is a need for or room for a different point of view or a different course of action.

Often a change in focus opens up a completely different feeling about what comes next. We may have a new idea that allows the energy (e.g. your thoughts and emotions) to take a different route that helps you see possibility in a new way. Sometimes it means you have a new view on what already exists and sometimes it means you will make a change.  It may be as simple as cleaning out your sock drawer to help you  be and feel more organized.

The idea is to stop and actually be mindful of what is going on inside and out. It gives you a fresh start.

I find that any one thing I do that organizes my space or my thoughts helps me move to the next task with a different openness in my breath, openness in my thoughts, and a clarity about the next action.

It is sometimes a surprise, but when we start re-organizing that which is around us, we begin to start a process within ourselves that opens doors to freshness; we see, hear and smell in the spring.

Let’s take advantage of this powerful seasonal energy to take a deep breath and proceed with fresh hope and a new view.

Spring is the ideal time to take the next step to accelerate YOUR next step.

Choose the inspired life you want to live.

Many years ago I had a serious back injury. I was working at a flower shop to earn extra money and get a discount on flowers for my wedding. It was kind of silly. I was taking a break from my regular job as an Art Therapist and thought I should be making money while I was taking the important step of getting married. Goes to show that doing something that we think we are supposed to do or be – in my case, independent; an equal partner – doesn’t always work out the way we think it will. Actually, it really backfired. I ended up lifting a planter. It was a huge, empty planter. Who knew it was incredibly heavy?

Well, that was a week before the wedding. It was a big mistake that launched an incredible journey. Not only did it create a difficult start to our new marriage, it taught me what it meant to heal from the inside out.

It took months and months. Unbelievably, when I was almost back to normal, I got rear-ended at a red light and the healing process began all over again. I guess I hadn’t gotten the full message yet. Once again, I was flat on my back.

For over a year I read all about healing. I listened to meditation tapes. I read all about the body and I read all about people. I read science fiction, biographies, most significantly heroes’ journeys.

Among the books that changed my life and perception were The Goddess Within by Roger and Jennifer Woolger (now unfortunately out of print), and Goddesses in Every Woman by Jean Shinoda Bolen. Both books spoke to a need for connecting with different aspects of ourselves and bringing balance into our lives.

During that time, which I call “my time on the moon,” I began to wonder what I wanted to do with my career and focused specifically on how I was bringing these aspects of myself into the light and into balance. Specifically, I wondered what I would want to attend if I was interested in expanding myself and looking deeper into who I am and how I could be excited about my life.

After much thought, I created A Group for Women About Life, because that’s the program I wanted to experience. I wanted to participate in creating community, exploring all aspects of being a woman and a human being alive on the planet right now, something that would actually have an impact on the way I thought or the choices I would make going forward.

When I created the program I really had no idea how powerful the process I had designed was. Oh, I knew it would be fun and I did know it would be impactful and that people would learn more about themselves and their relationships and position in the world, but I had no idea just how impactful.

I had no idea that people would find a fresh way to look at their relationships, or find the courage to change jobs, or start businesses, or choose to heal very old wounds or be able to find a community where they once felt alone. I knew that people would benefit from awakening the parts of them that had been asleep because of fear or inactivity. But I didn’t know what it would mean to have every aspect of the self actively awake and working in concert. Amazing – really amazing!

After seven years of running the program, I stopped to give birth to a new creation, my son, and begin a different journey. Now it is time to bring this program back. We are in a time of great change. We need our internal lights to be on and working in concert – and getting there is a delicious journey.

Sometimes when we operating based on what we think we are supposed to do or be, we don’t have the whole picture because there is another part of ourselves that hasn’t spoken up yet. Sometimes the voice of our culture is stronger than our own. Sometimes we hear our own voice but it is a one-sided conversation. We don’t use all facets of our intuition to make the best decision – even though often the information is within us waiting to be tapped.

I think I would not have worked in the flower store if I had been fully in touch with my true strength – my aspects of Artemis or Athena. I think if I had been in touch with my Demeter aspect I would have taken better care of myself. Maybe, if I had been in touch more fully with my Persephone, I would have looked deeper within. Had I been more in touch with my Aphrodite aspect I might have been more focused on the relational adventure of joining with another person – my husband to be. I don’t know what decision I would have made back then, but I know with all those beautiful voices chiming in and helping me be fully awake and balanced it probably would have been a better one.

I am so excited to invite you into this sacred and exciting journey once again. It is a wonderful, fulfilling ride.

To learn more about A Group for Women About Life, get on our update list. If you are ready to sign up right now, schedule an enrollment call with Liz.

For men who are interested in a similar transformative journey please click here  and we will be sure to keep you updated for future programs.

Last week I had the honor of leading the opening meditation session and two workshops on Mindfulness and Creativity in Healing at the (CCA) Colon Cancer Alliance National Conference in Miami. I say honored because I was surrounded by people who are engaged in the joy of living, who are fighters, and who want to change the world and the survival rate of people with colorectal cancer. So here is where people begin to turn away. One fact I learned is that people don’t really want to hear about this most preventable form of cancer because of where it is in the body!!

The focus of so many of the survivors of stage 4 and (lower) colon cancer is to increase the rate of screenings for people under the age of 50. There are so many people being misdiagnosed and diagnosed late with colon cancer. All we need is prevention to save thousands of lives. Survivors and their families are working tirelessly to spread the word, implement screenings in areas they do not exist, and find funding for colonoscopies for those that do not have insurance or cannot afford to have them. Their work has saved many lives.

Find out about your family history, talk with your physician about early screening with or without a family history, and listen to symptoms that seem unusual, no matter what. You know your body best. If you are concerned that something isn’t right, persevere! We all know the prep for a colonoscopy is not a lot of fun, but it could save your life.

Colon Cancer Alliance (CCA) is an amazing resource and support community. A great book about being your best health advocate is: When Doctors Don’t Listen: How to Avoid Misdiagnoses and Unnecessary Tests by Leana Wen, MD, MSc, George Washington University.

We had a lot of fun doing some Qigong, being truly present in the moment, participating in guided imagery, and using art materials to express the vitality and emotion within. CCA conference participants, you are a great group!

Liz