Where did that feeling come from???

I came down with COVID last week.

I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise as it appears to be on the loose again.

The surprise was remembering the tricky emotional part of COVID-19.

Feelings.

Does anyone remember that?

After a couple of days of feeling poorly and beginning to slowly feel a bit better… all of a sudden, I noticed that I was paying a lot more attention to the nuances of what people said or didn’t say; if they were in touch or not in touch; mulling over a situation and starting to think about it differently.

Oversensitivity or over-focus.

Making things personal that weren’t personal at all.

The truth is all of it was imagined.

It was all a story my imagination concocted.

I began to question these innocuous situations from an emotionally negative or over-sensitive standpoint.

What snapped me out of it?

• I stepped back and looked at the data
• I noticed that how I felt made no sense
• I realized how easily it would have been for me to get totally sucked into how I was feeling.

I refocused. But even knowing all that didn’t work entirely.

It persisted. So, I talked with a good friend and said I believed I was going through the COVID emotion phase and checked out a feeling I was having.

It was based on nothing.

Except that there SEEMED to be enough of a potential something to feed the thought beast.

Fortunately, I checked it out and trusted reality rather than the sticky thought/feeling stuff leading me astray.

How often do we all let our thoughts run away with us? Even without COVID-19?

An idea bubbles up, we don’t check it out and then it becomes a “thing”.

Then if we are lucky, we do check it out, but often people don’t.

Suddenly there’s a problem where there wasn’t one and no one is talking about it.

I am so glad I gave myself a taste of my own teaching and stepped back, evaluated, and followed through. It was such an important reminder that being curious about a feeling is more important than buying it hook line and sinker.

That’s why I created both my Enlightened Communication Through Luminous Living® course and my Divorce Well and Thrive® Coaching program. Communication is key.

Let’s have some fun together finding the best way to have tough conversations or any conversation that means something to you. Those are the tricky ones.

Click here to hop on a call so you can feel like this going into every conversation.

With love,

Liz

What happens when we add the idea of tenderness into our daily lives, our random conversations, our moments of huffing and puffing over something that may or may not be worthy of huffing and puffing?

I was speaking with a client the other day who gave me permission to share our conversation. She was recounting an experience of becoming angry because she noticed a large number of invasive species trees and shared that she found herself agitated and speaking emotionally about it while a passenger on a drive. Actually, getting quite worked up.  

Well, long story short, the anger was at the people who planted the trees and the frustration that the trees were doing harm to other vegetation. 

The idea of tenderness came up because employing the concept helped settle the emotions down and brought a realization around how bad it felt to get so worked up.

Often when emotions get high and are negative in some way, it feels terrible, but we are so busy emoting we miss that we are creating our own suffering.

We had fun with this conversation because the idea of tenderness also led to the idea of compassion. Those poor trees- they were simply planted and didn’t deserve all that negativity. 

Who knows? Maybe they actually were the perfect plant to be living in that area. Some years from now, given global warming, they may bring something absolutely necessary to the changing ecosystem.

The people who were being maligned because they planted them… they are actually not part of the car ride equation. But… self-compassion is part of the equation; tenderness to self… especially when it becomes clear that the only person suffering is the person feeling all the negative emotions and, in this case, possibly the driver.

We took it further.  What is the difference between expressing irritation, anger, rage out into the world and expressing neutrality, kindness, compassion, or tenderness?

Do we want to feed the negativity and blame, that has become pervasive in large expressions of frustration and anger in our society, or do we want to grow ease, care, compassion?

What if we all tried a little tenderness?

Click here for a different kind of car ride – enjoy!

It’s official! The equinox has helped us cross the threshold into Spring. 

Let’s send up new shoots. Get rid of the old dried-up leaves and twigs. Open a fresh eye on the world. Let the still small voice that knows there is something emerging get a bit louder.

All of us feel a bit dug under sometimes. The world has been a chaotic place at times and then a turn of the head or a new fresh day brings order, new hope or even a monumental change in point of view.

It’s time to clear out, refresh, take a look at what isn’t feeling right and tweak it until it does. 

I’ve been struck by the resilience I’ve been witnessing in all parts of the world. We are amazing. Every one of us. 

Recently I made a major move, healed from a serious illness, and continued stepping forward on the journey…  being present and ready for what’s next. 

I believe all of us are making our way. We step over rocks, climb bigger mountains, and take our next steps. If we are paying attention, we create meaning.  

Times of seasonal transition are perfect to take a fresh look. Yesterday I cleared a bunch of dead plants away and cut back the ones that could be saved.  Suddenly there was possibility of new life. I love to see that shift and recognize that we are the shift. We just have to pay attention. 

That’s when I take a fresh look at what is happening in my life, what is happening around me, where I’m putting my focus and why.

We are multifaceted beings, so underlying the activities we are doing are the thoughts and feelings we have about them. 

Here are a few questions to get the ball rolling:

• What do the (activities) mean to us? 
• What importance do they hold in our lives? 
• What are the benefits or the drawbacks? 
• Are they essential or can they be removed?

Sometimes it is good to sort out where we are putting our attention. Sometimes what’s important is to stop a moment and breathe.

Take stock of all that is happening; what you are feeling emotionally and physically; what you are thinking… and see if there is a need for a different point of view or a different course of action with whatever is in the forefront of your days.

Often, a change in focus opens up a completely different feeling about what comes next. 

Spring is the ideal time to take the next step to accelerate YOUR next step.

Choose the inspired life you want to live.

Click here for a guided imagery to take a moment of pause to imagine your next steps. 

So many people have experienced change over the past year – myself included. From scary medical procedures to moving cities. So how do we all remain resilient in the midst of major upheaval whether it is personal, familial, governmental, or cultural?

For me, and what I teach all my clients – coaching, psychotherapy, and corporate – is that when we begin to feel like a leaf in the wind, we are sunk. That’s not the good part, the meaty part. That is the human condition. So, what to do about it? Here’s a tip that is part of my QPT® (Quantum Presence Technique) process and is a quick way to get centered.

1. Breathe and put your attention on your feet.

That’s what I do, and that’s what I teach because it’s impossible to handle any stress, big or small, if you are not present in your body. Putting your attention on your feet and breathing is a shortcut to getting back to home base- You, your own body.

Emotion follows thought.

Have you ever noticed that when you have a seed, just a little seed of information that is or could be true, suddenly the brain is off and running with a story about it? Depending on your inclination that could be scary or wonderful. Either way, it is just a story.

It is not true because it has not happened. You notice I didn’t say “happened yet”. That’s because there is no yet under these circumstances. We actually have no idea what is going to happen.

When we are present in our bodies, we are not being run wild by our thoughts and the emotions that follow our storyline. We can actually make a clear choice about who we are and what we want to choose to feel and do in the moment.

2. Make an Inspired Choice

What makes an inspired choice? The first is step is # 1 above. When you are experiencing presence, full embodiment, you are connected mind, body, spirit, and heart. You realize that you are safe in this moment and that you have come into your body fully with your attention and your breath. You may have a sense of solidity, of feeling grounded, connected to the earth. It comes from having made the decision to be still and notice that gravity is holding you steady. Your intention is all you need to experience the pause that allows you to make choices from your true self, unimpaired by extraneous thoughts.

From this position you can activate the ‘you’ ‘you know is there. The ‘you’ that is not a leaf in the wind. The ‘you’ that you can depend on. It is the same ‘you’ that you’ve depended on when making important decisions, helping someone in crises. All aspects of you working together to take your next step. That is how an inspired choice is made.

Try it. Let me know what happens. Is there more to this? Of course, but this is a great place to start.

For a bit more guidance, click the video below:

I was so lucky when my friend Dave said “Who says you’re not good enough?!?”

That was many years ago. Needless to say, our conversation blew my mind. He was actually asking who I was listening to in my head and questioning whether it was really my voice!
I had never thought it wasn’t my voice. After all, it was in my head.

I had been complaining about a work situation, my social life, etc. But really my situation was fine. It was how I was feeling about it, and what I was believing about both the situation and myself that was the problem. “Not good enough.” “Not Good Enough.” “NOT GOOD ENOUGH!”

Those words—in their varying intensities at various moments—were affecting my life. Those words… not good enough… created other unhelpful thoughts as well. I would struggle with something I knew I was fully capable of doing but feeling I couldn’t do. I would express doubt and need good friends to help me see myself accurately, or I would give myself a good talking to so that I could proceed.

What a struggle! Where did this contradiction come from?

It was so exciting to imagine—and then recognize—that what I believed was my own internal voice was actually one that I co-opted from teachers, parents, or disheartening situations. The self-criticism came from messages I received growing up.

Why is it easier to hold on to the negative messages than the positive?

My experience as a psychotherapist and coach is that we tend to feel the impact of negative messages more deeply because they often catch us off guard or conflict with our self-perception. Unconsciously, we internalize these negative inputs more than we should.

That was what I had been doing. That self-talk had become a habit and a belief system. It was so incredibly freeing to realize that I could evaluate each of those questionable thoughts.

First, I became curious about when and where I had heard that message. Then I began to evaluate and decide whether I agreed with the message.

That gave me the agency to choose! Did I believe it? Was the thought really true? Did the negative message evolve over time? Was it a real representation of the real me? If not, I wasn’t born with it. Did I want that message to be mine?

Mostly, that negative talk is not true. It comes from hurt, unkind words, and moments when we have not been at our best. If you aren’t happy with some of the self-talk/self-doubt/self-critical messages that you are experiencing, try to be a detective and begin choosing which messages to listen to. Sometimes it helps to talk to a good friend, or a professional (like a life coach or a therapist) to sort it out if you get stuck.

Bottom line: The time has come to choose. Choose to allow you to be you – fully and freely -without restriction!

Have a comment or a question? I would love to hear your thoughts!

In the meantime, choose you!

Liz