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    inspired choice?

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    and start your journey.

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  • Is There Support When You Mention Divorce?

    I was speaking with someone today who was sharing the feeling of being scared while talking about separating from her husband. She did have trepidation about separation and divorce but what really frightened her was the response she was getting from the people around her to the potential dissolution of marriage. The responses were so strongly negative and unsupportive, that she thought that they must be afraid of something.

    She was excited that I had started a private Facebook group to discuss a new way to deal with divorce because she said that people forget about “that part.” When I asked what she meant, she said that people forget about the part leading up to separation or divorce; that people forget that the individuals involved need support. The story she was telling me highlighted that bystanders will often express their own opinions instead of listening.

    It’s sad that when someone is looking for support in the fragile moments of making the huge decision to explore the dissolution of a marriage that what shows up is fear or judgment by others.

    The world of divorce is often fraught with so much negativity one can’t see the forest for the trees. The potential outcome is often the focus so people forget how important all the steps in the process are. If friends and family are only focused on the outcome, the couple may feel like they are floundering in a sink or swim effort during the early stages of decision-making.

    It’s easy to forget how shocking it can be when someone says something out of the blue that’s a real zinger and knocks you off balance. Listening to her was an important reminder that a good support system is critical.

    Much of my work is with people who are in the process of making the decision to separate or divorce or those who have already made the decision and my job is guiding them through more positive ways to approach their situation. Part of this involves talking about the people in their lives who have a lot to say about the dissolution of marriage – whether it’s sharing war stories or giving advice or offering words of approval or disapproval. Since they are not part of the couple, their situation may not apply.

    I am so involved in the arena of giving those divorcing the support they need that I can forget how many people don’t reach out for professional support, or how many people go ahead with this very difficult life change without the support of their family or friends, simply because of how their family and friends may feel about divorce in general.

    I don’t think anyone goes down the road of divorce lightly. If someone has gotten to the point of deciding to leave a relationship for a period time or has made the decision alone or with their spouse to end the union, they are jumping into the unknown. To take that leap there is, most often, a very good reason. How great it would be if co-workers, friends and family members could remain neutral or supportive.

    Often people who are making a major life decision do find that it is a bit frightening to those around them. In the case of divorce, the observer may be afraid they will have to take sides or be involved in the “fight” in some way. They may be afraid for the person or the couple’s children because so many divorces are antagonistic. They may remember their own break ups or their parent’s break ups. They find themselves looking at their own relationships and sometimes they become afraid for themselves.

    Dissolution of marriage is a tricky process. It shakes the foundations of many belief systems.

    But maybe it is more important to recognize that all people deserve to be in relationships that are healthy for them and sometimes it just isn’t so.

    My heart went out to the person who felt she had to do this on her own. It was clear she had good reason to make this difficult decision. I hope that those around her help strengthen her resolve or simply stand by her side without judgment.

    It’s Spring! Use this Season as Your Guide for Inspired Next Steps

    Nature is our teacher. All we have to do to see how to proceed in life is watch what’s happening outside our windows.

    Let’s send up new shoots. Get rid of the old dried up leaves and twigs. Open a fresh eye on the world. Let the still small voice that knows there is something emerging get a bit louder.

    All of us feel a bit dug under sometimes. I know sometimes I feel like there is so much to do I don’t know where to start and so I feel inundated. That’s when I take a fresh look at what is happening in my life, what is happening around me, where I am putting my focus and what I want to do next and why I want to do it.

    We are multifaceted beings, so underlying the tasks we are doing are the thoughts and feelings we have about those tasks.

    • What do the tasks mean to us? 
    • What importance do they hold in our lives? 
    • What are the benefits or the drawbacks? 
    • Are they essential or can they be removed from the list? 

    Sometimes it is good to sort all that out.  Sometimes sorting it out isn’t necessary. That is for you to decide.

    What does matter is taking a moment to breathe.

    Take stock of all that is happening; what you are feeling emotionally and physically; what you are thinking… and see if there is a need for or room for a different point of view or a different course of action.

    Often a change in focus opens up a completely different feeling about what comes next. We may have a new idea that allows the energy (e.g. your thoughts and emotions) to take a different route that helps you see possibility in a new way. Sometimes it means you have a new view on what already exists and sometimes it means you will make a change.  It may be as simple as cleaning out your sock drawer to help you  be and feel more organized.

    The idea is to stop and actually be mindful of what is going on inside and out. It gives you a fresh start.

    I find that any one thing I do that organizes my space or my thoughts helps me move to the next task with a different openness in my breath, openness in my thoughts, and a clarity about the next action.

    It is sometimes a surprise, but when we start re-organizing that which is around us, we begin to start a process within ourselves that opens doors to freshness; we see, hear and smell in the spring.

    Let’s take advantage of this powerful seasonal energy to take a deep breath and proceed with fresh hope and a new view.

    Spring is the ideal time to take the next step to accelerate YOUR next step.

    Choose the inspired life you want to live.

    Why a Group for Women About Life?

    goddessMany years ago I had a serious back injury. I was working at a flower shop to earn extra money and get a discount on flowers for my wedding. It was kind of silly. I was taking a break from my regular job as an Art Therapist and thought I should be making money while I was taking the important step of getting married. Goes to show that doing something that we think we are supposed to do or be – in my case, independent; an equal partner – doesn’t always work out the way we think it will. Actually it really backfired. I ended up lifting a planter. It was a huge, empty planter. Who knew it was incredibly heavy?

    Well that was a week before the wedding. It was a big mistake that launched an incredible journey. Not only did it create a difficult start to our new marriage, it taught me what it meant to heal from the inside out.

    It took months and months. Unbelievably, when I was almost back to normal, I got rear-ended at a red light and the healing process began all over again. I guess I hadn’t gotten the full message yet. Once again, I was flat on my back.

    For over a year I read all about healing. I listened to meditation tapes. I read all about the body and I read all about people. I read science fiction, biographies, most significantly heroes’ journeys.

    Among the books that changed my life and perception were The Goddess Within by Roger and Jennifer Woolger (now unfortunately out of print), and Goddesses in Every Woman by Jean Shinoda Bolen. Both books spoke to a need for connecting with different aspects of ourselves and bringing balance into our lives.

    During that time, which I call “my time on the moon,” I began to wonder what I wanted to do with my career and focused specifically on how I was bringing these aspects of myself into the light and into balance. Specifically, I wondered what I would want to attend if I was interested in expanding myself and looking deeper into who I am and how I could be excited about my life.

    After much thought, I created A Group for Women About Life, because that’s the program I wanted to experience. I wanted to participate in creating community, exploring all aspects of being a woman and a human being alive on the planet right now, something that would actually have an impact on the way I thought or the choices I would make going forward.

    When I created the program I really had no idea how powerful the process I had designed was. Oh, I knew it would be fun and I did know it would be impactful and that people would learn more about themselves and their relationships and position in the world, but I had no idea just how impactful.

    I had no idea that people would find a fresh way to look at their relationships, or find the courage to change jobs, or start businesses, or choose to heal very old wounds, or be able find community where they once felt alone. I knew that people would benefit from awakening the parts of them that had been asleep because of fear or inactivity. But I didn’t know what it would mean to have every aspect of the self actively awake and working in concert. Amazing – really amazing!

    After seven years of running the program I stopped to give birth to a new creation, my son, and begin a different journey. Now it is time to bring this program back. We are in a time of great change. We need our internal lights to be on and working in concert – and getting there is a delicious journey.

    Sometimes when we operating based on what we think we are supposed to do or be, we don’t have the whole picture because there is another part of ourselves that hasn’t spoken up yet. Sometimes the voice of our culture is stronger than our own. Sometimes we hear our own voice but it is a one-sided conversation. We don’t use all facets of our intuition to make the best decision – even though often the information is within us waiting to be tapped.

    I think I would not have worked in the flower store if I had been fully in touch with my true strength – my aspects of Artemis or Athena. I think if I had been in touch with my Demeter aspect I would have taken better care of myself. Maybe, if I had been in touch more fully with my Persephone, I would have looked deeper within. Had I been more in touch with my Aphrodite aspect I might have been more focused on the relational adventure of joining with another person – my husband to be. I don’t know what decision I would have made back then, but I know with all those beautiful voices chiming in and helping me be fully awake and balanced it probably would have been a better one.

    I am so excited to invite you into this sacred and exciting journey once again. It is a wonderful, fulfilling ride.

    To learn more about A Group for Women About Life, get on our update list. If you are ready to sign up right now, schedule an enrollment call with Liz.

    For men who are interested in a similar transformative journey please click here  and we will be sure to keep you updated for future programs.

    Don’t Do It Alone

    Colorful Hands Forming Heart Shape

    Fall is a time of transition. The sunny days give way to cooler breezes and beautiful colors. The cycle of life is before our eyes. There are many transitions in life. Some involve simply adjusting to the days getting a bit shorter and others are more complex.

    On the surface we move into task mode. What does this change mean and how do we take action or cope with it? Underneath the surface many emotions may arise.

    When big changes take place, like loss of a loved one, aging, assisting someone who is aging, divorce or even a child leaving for college, we see them concretely in tasks that arise, often involving de-cluttering, or moving furniture or even moving to another residence. Underneath, our own tectonic plates are moving. Not only are we navigating the external world, we are navigating how to metabolize these changes internally. How are we making sense of our world as it is changing shape? How do we steer the ship in unknown waters?

    I was working on clearing out my computer the other day, when I came across sets of varied instructions I had given to the home health aide who was caring for my mother who lived in another state. I realized anew that I had been managing every aspect of my mother’s life from a physical standpoint and at times emotional as well. That meant in addition to caring for my family and working, I had another full time job.

    From an external view, it was about priorities, love and managing all the balls in the air as best I could. Did things slip through the cracks? Yes. But everyone’s health and safety stayed afloat. In addition, huge questions and role transitions were taking place.

    Every day in my practice, I speak with or see someone going through a major life transition. There is no rulebook, but there are guides. It is important to hire people, when you can, to help sort out the complexities. My colleague, Penny Catterall of Order Your Life, who I use for help with organizing my life, has been indispensable to those going through these kinds of transitions from moves, to downsizing, to helping with the paperwork (medical forms, bill payment, culling files, etc.) that there just isn’t time to do when you are focused on major unexpected and sometimes expected life events.

    Whether it’s divorce, a child leaving for college or being an adult parent in a care giving situation learning how to be a respectful advocate, remember to reach out and get the help you need whether it is coaching, counseling, geriatric consulting or organizing and administrative. Don’t do it alone.

    Getting to the YOU without the GOO!

     

    Getting to the YOU_4_final
    I am so pleased to share my new website with you – and it wasn’t easy to get here!  In fact, creating a new website was a very different experience from what I imagined. I thought it would just be taking what was there and tweaking a few things, but it turned into a complete re-think of what I wanted to offer to you.

    I kept coming back to the fact that Getting to the YOU without the GOO! is more than just a catchy, fun phrase to make a point. It is what we are all going for whether we’re in a small stuck place or a big one, and whether our Goo is related to work or relationships or anything else.

    So, with this new website, I’m finding more ways to include you in the how of Getting to the YOU without the GOO! I know that we all get stuck sometimes and the stuff that gets us stuck is often quite hard to unglue. I believe that ungluing is the name of the game.

    Most often, it doesn’t take very long to get to the heart of the matter and to free the YOU! – and there are so many ways to get to that true expression of who you are. That is the part I love – helping you find the route to expressing your true nature in the way YOU want to express it.

    So take a minute and explore the website and find out more – and if you especially want to hear more about GOO and getting out of it, click here.

    Also, help me support you better by sharing the challenge you most want to tackle right now and how you like to receive support by filling out my super short survey. Your input is invaluable to me and you’ll be helping me create programs that are perfect for you!

    Let me know what you think and let’s be in touch,

    Liz